#89: Don’t Let Fear Steal Your Dreams! Free Yourself from Fear With Rhonda Britten

Description:

Rhonda Britten – Emmy Award-winner, Repeat Oprah guest, and Founder of The Fearless Living Institute has shaped the lives of thousands to live their truest freedom. Listen as she absolutely gives us the #1 way out of all that holds us back. This is a MUST FAVORITE episode.

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Bio:

Rhonda Britten – Emmy Award-winner, Repeat Oprah guest, Master Coach – has changed lives in over

600 episodes of reality television including starring in the hit daytime reality show, "Starting Over," is

the author of four bestsellers including her seminal work, “Fearless Living” and is the Founder of the

Fearless Living Institute, home of the Ivy League of Life Coaching Training. Named “America’s Favorite

Life Coach,” she brings the neuroscience of fear down to earth giving you a path out of “not being good

enough” using the “Wheels” technology she developed that saved her own life

Social Media Links:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rhondabritten

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YouTube: https://www.youtube,com/rhondabritten

TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@rhondabritten

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rhondabritten

Transcript:

(00:00:02):

Hello and welcome to Light Your Life. I'm your host, Tina Marie St.Cyr. And as always, we get the privilege to sit with an amazing soul who has nuggets for us. So I ask you each time, please sit yourself down, get a pen and paper. You're gonna wanna take notes. And even if you're listening to this while you're walking or jogging, or you're riding in your car, take a mental note like, oh my God, I've gotta go back to the show notes on this, because I guarantee today you're gonna have some takeaways that are gonna, one, open your heart, open your mind, and touch your soul. I already have chills and shivers because I know this beautiful soul that is sitting with us today, and I am so excited to bring her to you, to me again. You know, like a whole refresher on her story and her impact that she has here on our world and humanity.

(00:00:56):

So, I'm glad you're here with us. And I'm gonna say a little bit about Rhonda. Okay? So Rhonda, all that stuff that you get on the bio, I want you to hear it. 'cause It's very important. Rhonda is an Emini em Emmy Award winner. She's a repeat Oprah gst. So, you know, that means something. Oprah has brought her on multiple times. She's a master coach, one that I study because of her efficacy and her tools and her strategies to help all of us. She's changed over 600, no, she's changed thousands of lives, and she's been on thousands or hundreds, <laugh>, 600 episodes of reality tv. And you start on the daytime reality show starting over, which I wanna learn more about. And Rhonda is the author of four bestselling books, including her seminal work, A Fearless Living. You wanna pick that up on Amazon, fearless Living.

(00:01:48):

Make that note. And because of that, she's now the founder of the Fearless Living Institute, where she trains others in her proprietary work. We're gonna unpack that today. She has been named America's Favorite Life coach, which I love, and she brings neuroscience down to the energy for you and us to get it. But mainly it is for us to conquer the number one thing that all humans have inside of themselves. And on this planet, regardless of who you are, where you're from, what you've achieved, what you haven't achieved, it's called fear. And so today, what we are unpacking is how fear gets us, the little nuances of what it's also contained in, which we may not even think are fear. And then also how do we address it? And we're gonna start off with something that touched my heart many years ago. I think it's been 14 years ago, I was trying to do the math, Rhonda. Thanks for being our guest here on Light Your Life.

(00:02:41):

I'm so excited.

(00:02:42):

Thank you. I wanna give you kudos. I sat in the audience, I think front row <laugh> when I heard your story for the first time. And oftentimes when I hear a keynote speaker tell their story, you know, it's, it, it has the, the different hero's journey pieces that we can all go, yes, I can connect to that. Yes. Good job. Way to go, way to surmount those odds. I, I think you're in the right place. You're a keynote speaker, you're helping inspire people. And I'm like, yeah, buddy. When I heard your story, Rhonda, I was in tears and I was like, holy. And I was like, this is a woman that has been through some things, and I just wanted to hang onto your beautiful dress tales because you've been, you've been an inspiring voice in my journey as a guide still here on earth.

(00:03:34):

Whenever I get to the place where I think, oh, I can't do that, or I have worry wart syndrome or something, and I'm like hello, remember Rhonda? And I'm like, okay, just put your big girl panties on and do something with your life. But you've been the person that's inspired me so many times. I literally think of you, if not month, weekly, monthly, definitely since I heard your story. So I was wondering if you could help the people that either we know your story and we, we need to hear it again, because it it touches the soul. Are the people that don't know Rhonda Britton <laugh>. And I want you to know Rhonda Britton. So take us to the place that your life began in this particular way that had you realize you were on a trajectory to help people with fear.

(00:04:22):

Yeah. And you know, when you're in your deepest, darkest place, you never think that you're gonna help people, right? Like, you never think like oh gee, let me help people. Right? You can barely crawl through the glass yourself. Exactly. So, you know, just, just, just as a note, you know, when you think that you can give nothing or that you have nothing to give, or you are not the one to give it, it's probably the the thing that you need to give, right? The moment that you need to give the thing that you're trying to push away and go, well, I didn't do that. Well, it's like, yeah, but you did it right? No matter how sloppy, no matter how messy right? It you, you, you transcended however you did it. And so what you're referring to Tina, is I was 14 years old and I grew up in a little tiny town in upper Michigan, 365 inches of snow a year.

(00:05:03):

Two restaurants, fancy Douglas House Buffet, and Big boy. Yeah. And my parents had recently separated. And my father was coming to take us out for a Sunday Father's Day brunch. And hadn't seen him for a while. So, you know, my mom's like, be nice. My father comes walking in, come on, come on, girl, let's go, let's go, let's go. My two sisters are fighting it out in our one bathroom. Our house is about 800 square feet. And my mother is plucking up her beehive hairdo. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> putting on her rose color lipstick, blue eyeshadow. She's looking good. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. And she says to me, 'cause it's sprinkling outside, she says, Rhonda, why don't you wait here in the, you know, in the, in the back door while I go and open the door so you can run out so you don't get wet.

(00:05:49):

I'm like, okay. So sounds good, mom. Right now my sisters are still fighting it out in the bathroom. My dad is like, come on girls again. And as he my, my dad, my mother and I start walking out, my dad mentions he has to get his coat from the car because of this rain. And so he goes to the car trunk and opens the trunk. And I noticed that he's not grabbing a coat, but he is grabbing a gun. And he starts screaming at my mother, you made me do this. You made me do this. And he fires. Now I am there screaming, dad, what are you doing? What are you doing, dad, stop. And he the gun and he points it at me. And I absolutely believe I'm next. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. He blinks, I blink, he blinks, I blink. And my mother with literally her last breath, sees that gun in my face and screams, no, don't.

(00:06:46):

Mm-Hmm, <affirmative>. And my father, realizing my mother's still alive, turns the gun to her one more time and shoots her for a second time. And this second bullet goes through her abdomen, out her back, and lands in the car horn. And for the next 20 minutes, all I hear is, eh. And then my father the gun a third time, puts it to the ground, puts, gets on the knees and puts the head his, his the gun to his head and fires. And so, in a matter of two minutes, I am the sole witness of watching my father murder my mother and commit suicide. Now, I don't know how other people would respond to that, but this is how I responded. It's my fault. I mean, I did nothing heroic. Right? I did, I didn't grab the gun, I didn't jump in front of my mother.

(00:07:29):

I didn't kick my father's shins, you know, like I did nothing. Yeah. You know, heroic. Right? And so now they're dead. And I just stood there going, daddy, stop. Stop, dad, stop. Right? That's all I did. Yeah. So for the next 20 years I was a straight A student, got a full ride to college, you know did everything I thought I should to try to help myself, right? Went to workshops, I read books, did all those lovely things that you're supposed to do. And during those 20 years, even though I was doing all those things, I was also becoming an alcoholic. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> getting three DUIs, trying to kill myself three times. And it was the third suicide attempt, Tina, that I realized something, I realized I'm not very good at killing myself, not skilled at it. That's good. And I, yeah, I'm not skilled, not good.

(00:08:19):

I'm glad you're not good at that. And yeah, thank you. And I have to figure out another way. Like I have to, you know, for the last 20 years, it has been, you know, do all the right things. Right. Do all the right things, try to heal myself the right way. But I couldn't get rid of the shame and the guilt because when you watch your mother die, and you don't stop it, you don't get to be happy. Right. You right. Happy happiness is off the table. That isn't even a goal. That isn't even a dream. It's literally like, yeah, you don't get to be happy this lifetime. You don't get to be happy In that moment,

(00:08:54):

It was stolen.

(00:08:56):

It was, it was absolutely stolen. And, but, you know, 'cause I blamed myself. I'm the one that stole it from myself. Right. I'm the one that took that away. I'm the one that didn't do anything, so I didn't deserve to be happy. Right. And I, and I don't think I'm the only one that thinks that after some sort of tragedy, I think we right. Immediately we want to feel powerful. Right. And I, looking back on it, I think to myself, I just want to feel powerful, right? Yeah. And if I could, if I could blame myself for it happening, then I could have changed it. And then I could have been the hero. Right? Then I could have everything would've been different. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. But but it didn't. Right? So here I am, third suicide attempt it put you in a psychiatric ward when you try to kill yourself three times.

(00:09:32):

Just fyi, I give it a warning out there, <laugh>. And I'm in the psychiatric ward, and they de me not crazy. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And I go back to my little studio apartment living by myself at this time. Not a good idea. Right. And I get home, I, and I just look at my little tiny <laugh> 400 square foot apartment, and just think to myself, there has got to be another way. I mean, I, I, I have to start over. And I remember thinking, okay, well, if I have to start over, and I'm just like, racked my brain, like, how do you start over?

(00:10:06):

And how old were you at that point?

(00:10:08):

I was 28.

(00:10:11):

Okay.

(00:10:11):

Yeah. 28, 29. And I just said to myself, I've gotta figure out another way. And what came to me is kindergarten, and how in kindergarten you get it calendar and you get gold stars. Yeah. And, you know, you get a gold star for every good thing you do. So I decided to go out, and I went out and got some gold stars on a calendar. And I gave myself for 30 days a gold star for any time I did something good, anything worth living for, because it was kind of like a test. Do I have a right to be alive? That was my test. You try to kill yourself three times. You're not good at it. You need to either make a really extreme effort and really get it done. And now the next three days, we're gonna determine if you're, if you're worth living, if you have a right to live. I have a

(00:10:59):

Question. Yeah. I love this. I have a question here. So many people don't know this about myself. I attempted suicide at the age of 40. Also had the story in the, in the head that I didn't, and I, I was taking up space and I pretty much didn't have any use of being here. Yes. The the best of my life had already happened. Everybody was well on their way. I'm just, you know, an annoyance. You're

(00:11:22):

Behind, you're behind, you're behind. You're never gonna catch up. Right.

(00:11:25):

It's just the best of me's done. Right? So, yes, that's right. The question I have is, you know, whenever you're alone with yourself and you have these thoughts because that's your partnership of communication when we're alone Yeah. And we're, I love that you think gold stars what, you know, and I, and I'm, I'm talking to the people that are like us that have had this, you know, like this part of us that says, I think I just need to check out. Right? <laugh>, I just need to check out for, you know, more

(00:11:59):

People than you think have that thought, <laugh>. They

(00:12:01):

Do. They do. We do. Right.

(00:12:03):

Most people sometimes think that.

(00:12:05):

Yeah. Yeah. And so the Gold Star program you did was trying to put meaning back in your life, you know, the a reason to live, a reason to take more breaths.

(00:12:17):

A reason, a reason to give myself permission to stay alive. Right. Did I have anything worthy to, to keep alive for, right? Okay. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And so I started giving myself gold stars for anything. And I mean, anything, Tina, that I did, that I did good, that it wasn't, well, it was good. Am I a good person? Am I worthy to be on this planet? Right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And so Tina we're talking about like, got angry, but didn't break anything, right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> like, I mean, that's the level we're talking. Oh. Had a drink drunk. It didn't get drunk, right? Like, oh, I, you know, showed up on time and didn't get an accident. Like, I mean, we're talking basic, like, oh, cleaned the house. I mean, I mean, we're talking, I look, I, I, I have that, I have that gold calendar, by the way. There's gold on the calendar. Awesome. And sometimes I will stop and look at it, which by the way, I have to tell you a story about that because that's crazy. But <laugh>, I'm looking at the calendar once in a while, and I just look at it. I go, wow, I just wanna kiss her. Yeah.

(00:13:16):

Do you know what I mean?

(00:13:16):

Yeah. I just wanna kiss her. I just wanna go look at you sweetheart. Look at, because, you know, having a drink and not getting drunk was like, oh, was like winning an Emmy, right? It was like, oh, you're amazing <laugh>, you know getting em, it's having

(00:13:31):

Discipline

(00:13:31):

Breaking something. Right? It's like, well, having awareness, right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> just having the awareness. Because most of us at most times, especially when we have a lot of emotions, we, through us, we don't have that awareness. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And then the stories we tell ourselves in those heightened emotions justify our behavior or justify the stories we tell ourselves. And we have plenty of proof, right? We, we, we keep our proof really handy. So if we need to take that out about how horrible we are, or how we screwed ourselves, or how we screwed

(00:13:58):

Somebody only knew if people only knew the wrong

(00:14:01):

People. Only knew. Right? Right, right. So we take that out and we use it to berate ourselves or to prove to ourselves. 'cause Even in, in that moment, we're not even berating ourselves. We think this is factual, right? Yeah. Because everything that I did do was a fact. Right? I, I did break things. I did get drunk. I did get in car accidents, I did get DUIs. I did do all those things. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. Right? But the things that I did, I thought were me,

(00:14:29):

They defined you.

(00:14:30):

Like, that's who they defined me. That was, that was who I was. And so how can you get past that? Right? How can you know? And I had done, you know, I, I did forgiveness work. I thought I forgave my father. You know? So it's like, okay, yeah. I forgave my father, I forgave my mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-Hmm. You know, but again, I fundamentally failed that day. Yeah. And fundamentally, you didn't forgive yourself. Failed. No. That was the hardest person to ever give. Forgiving my father was actually the easiest to forgive. Wow. Which is shocking for some. But it was the easiest to forgive forgiving myself, because again, I should expect more. I should know better. I, you know, we want ourselves, you know, everything that we've ever read, everything that we've ever done, everything, every movie we've ever watched, we think that we are going to get into that slot of heroic.

(00:15:17):

You know, like something happens to us that we're gonna be the hero. Right? Right. And, you know, and in that moment, I wasn't the hero in the moment. You know, if I would've taken my father's attention away, he would've killed me, and my mother would've been saved. Right? Mm-Hmm. And instead, my mother sacrificed herself in some ways, you know, in my eyes for me to stay alive because she drew my father's attention away from me. Right. So, and then my father not killing me, was actually insult to injury, right? Mm-Hmm. So he killed my mother. 'cause He loved her. He killed himself. 'cause He can bear to live without her but me. Oh, yeah. Let, let her live, let let her be the, let, let her watch. Right? So it, you know, I walked around for many years going, I'm not even Philippine worth living for. Well, I'm not worth living for it. I'm not worth killing. Yeah. Wow. So what I, I guess I have to do the deed and kill myself.

(00:16:04):

What a story your mind made up. Right? And

(00:16:07):

Yeah. Well, it, it's the only seeming rational decision. It's only the seeming solution. Right. Finish when my father started. Right. Right. And, you know, I still, so, so suicide for some people, not, not all people, thankfully, but for some people is actually one of their first thoughts, not their 12th thought. So many people, when they get to the suicidal thought is, or having even, you know, even moments of like, why should just kill myself? Right. It, it's like after, like, I'm a horrible person and, you know, I shouldn't have done that. And they berate themselves, and then they finally get to like, maybe I should just kill myself. Right? Right.

(00:16:43):

For me,

(00:16:43):

I can understand that. For me, for me, it's, you know, I break a nail. I go to, i, I kill myself. Right? Like, for me, actual, it was

(00:16:50):

So close's

(00:16:51):

Actual, it's an automatic response for me. Right. Wow. To this day, I have those thoughts, but now it's a, it's a like a little game, right? It's like a little like, oh yes, I'm gonna kill myself over this broken nail. Okay, great. You know, like, I know what's happening. Mm-Hmm. I don't take it as truth. Right? I know. That's how I respond to stress. Right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And, and I, and my father trained me to do that. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, you know, like I was trained to do that, right? And so I just, when I have a thought of suicide now, I just go, oh, okay, well, I need some support. You know, like I, yeah. Oh, okay, thanks. You know, I don't truth anymore. Right. But for 20 years, I took it as truth. I took it as That is your job, Rhonda.

(00:17:30):

Right? Yeah. That's great. And, and maybe it's not great. I'm sorry that happened to you, extremely sorry that happened to you and your family and your sisters and, and what it just propelled you all into at that point. Yes. And the, the beauty of it, you know, know from having known you and heard your story, I'm like, you're surmounting. It, it's, it's, you know, I love your mug, <laugh> live life.

(00:17:56):

That's my motto. Live the life your soul intended.

(00:17:59):

I love that.

(00:17:59):

That's our motto here at Fearless Living.

(00:18:02):

And ours is think outside the box. <Laugh>,

(00:18:05):

Actually live the life your soul intended. There you go. I love yours. Like

(00:18:08):

Your soul intended. I love that.

(00:18:10):

That's what we gotta do. That's, that's why we're here, right?

(00:18:12):

Yes. And so that takes me to my next question, curiosity, actually. In your relationship with fear, in your relationship with your own thoughts in this way is there a part of you that has come to the understanding that fear is a requirement for all of us here on the planet at some level? Oh, of

(00:18:30):

Course. Of course. It's part of our DNAI mean, there's no way of getting rid of fear. But, and, and, and I do have to say one thing, when I was going through my 20 years of like, you know because I did forget, one thing to share with you is that for 14 years, my father, I had a nightmare Every single night my father was killing me. So every night when I shut my eyes, if I wasn't drunk, right? Right. One of the reasons I got drunk is then I wouldn't have the nightmare because I would be blacked out. Right. So but when I, when I was sober, you know, enough, didn't have, didn't have drunk a lot enough, you know, I would have a nightmare that my father was chasing me through the woods and trying to kill me. And that was every night for almost 14 years.

(00:19:08):

Oh. And so when I got sober, right? And when I started take my, when I started just even being willing to think about changing my life I did some forgiveness work, which I can tell you in just a minute about Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. But, but during that whole 20 years and that whole nightmares every night, you know, trying to kill myself, DUIs, all those things, I actually believed, if you would've said to me, are you afraid? Mm-Hmm. I would've said absolutely not. Wow. Absolutely not. Like, I, I think that most of us don't think we're afraid when we're actually petrified.

(00:19:44):

Wow. We don't have the awareness. Right. We don't have the awareness, but we also, fear doesn't show up in a way that we think fear should. Right. It's not like the movies. It's not like, right. I'm not shattering my teeth and going, ah. Right. If you would've asked me, are you afraid I would've looked at you like you were insane? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. And been like, no. Because remember on the other hand, even though this was all happening internally and underneath, you know, right in the middle of the night, I was still a straight A student getting a ride to writing, getting a full ride to college, and, you know, moved to LA when I was 24. Like, I was still like, making it happen. You know what I'm

(00:20:18):

Saying? Yeah. The evidence of your life, the evidence of your success, and getting things done did not equate to your description or belief of what fear would be.

(00:20:27):

That's right. So, I was not afraid. And one of the things that I, I, I regularly tell people is, you know, when they say, well, I, when I give a talk or whatever, and they come up to me, it's so funny. People come up to me all the time after Keynote and they're like, well, you know, it was a great talk. Oh my God, it's amazing. But, you know, I'm not afraid. And I'm like, oh, really? Okay.

(00:20:46):

Say,

(00:20:47):

Okay. I go, lemme just give you a couple, lemme just give you a couple first questions. They're like, okay, yeah, sure, go ahead. I said, okay. So can you say, I love you first? Can you forgive the unforgivable? Mm. Can you be kind to yourself and see your innocence? And know I ask all these emotional questions. Right? And they're like looking at me like, oh,

(00:21:07):

You're getting deep lady <laugh>.

(00:21:09):

Oh, oh, oh. Right. Because in, because most of us think of fear as jumping out of a plane. Right? Right. And really fear is jumping into life. And most of us, someplace in our life, we are petrified. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, whether we are aware of it or not. 'cause I was not aware of it for almost 20 years. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And when it hit me, when it hit me that it was fear, it was like, what? I mean, it was like, what?

(00:21:35):

Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>

(00:21:36):

What? So, you know, for those, for those listening or watching, you don't have to be the person that says, I'm afraid to have fear. Fear is part of our DNA. There is no getting away from it, period. End of story. But it just shows up differently for us, right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. So fear doesn't show up as fear for most it shows up as, I don't wanna be rejected, or I'm afraid to take, I, I don't wanna take that risk because oh, it's not, it's not a good risk. I have to wait for a better risk. Right. It shows up as people pleasing, it shows up as, you know, avoidance. It shows up as procrastination. It shows up as anxiety. It shows up as overwhelm. Right. And I could go on. So it shows up in our lives as what I call the fear responses.

(00:22:16):

Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. Right? So, fear responses are the things that show up in our lives that we think are the problems. Right? I gotta quit procrastinating. No, you actually have to look at your fear, because then you'll quit procrastinating. You know, oh, I have to Beautiful. Quit being a pe such a people pleaser. I gotta start putting boundaries up. Yeah. Okay, well, that's nice, but let's look at the fear that's causing that behavior that you don't even know is happening. And oh, by the way, if you get really good at boundaries, which I want everyone to be good at, Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, if you don't address the fear, trust me, you're gonna do boundaries really poorly. Right. I can't tell you how many people teach boundaries where I'm like, oh my God, you're teaching boundaries. Like, so fear-based, it's like, oh my God, don't, please, don't do, or communication skills. They're like, ah, my God, don't do that. Right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. But, but because our culture, and most people even Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, even very successful coaches and authors and speakers be fear through the lens of, you know, bad and good. Right. See the, see, see the lens of well, you're either successful, you're not, and if you're successful, you're not afraid. And, you know, if you're not successful, you, you are. Right.

(00:23:18):

Some people use fuel as fear. They use fear as a fuel to become successful. That's right. That's not even knowing. And it's called that they're That's right. That they're, and, and we have this six letter word in society called stress. Well, hello. Oh, it's okay. Stressed out. Well, isn't that fear?

(00:23:35):

Yes. Thank you so much for saying that. So if I could eliminate one word from a vocabulary. Yes. One word, Tina. One word. If I could, if I could eliminate it, is the word stress. Okay. Tell me more. Tell me more. 'cause You know what stress is. You know what stress is. I don't wanna tell you how I really feel

(00:23:51):

True. It's a bandaid. So,

(00:23:52):

Right. It's a bandaid. It's like, oh, I'm stressed. And everybody goes, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Well, you know what? I'm stressed too. Mm-Hmm, <affirmative>. Yeah. I'm stressed too. It's like, okay, so what is the feeling under that? Well, I'm feeling nervous. I'm feeling apprehensive. I'm feeling worried. I'm feeling, you know, again, whatever it is. And then what does that look like? What expectations, quote, unquote. 'cause We wanna like, eliminate expectations in the world of fearless living. But you know, what expectations are you having? Because again, most of those things are based on a false expectation, a fantasy that we built around ourself that we shouldn't, we should have. Right? So stress. So stress is a made up word that we have used to define the thing that nobody wants to define, which is fear. Right? Right. Doctors go, oh, it's stress. They don't wanna say, well, you're afraid.

(00:24:35):

No. It's, it's too big of a, it's too big of a Pandora's box. So they go, you're stressed. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. Yeah. You know why? Because you have conflicting fears. You have conflicting goals, you have conflicting intent, you have conflicting, you know, dreams, identities, and there's conflicts. Yeah. Identities. Yes. Identities. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. Yep. And, and oh, by the way, they're hitting Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And so you are stressed. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. Well, what if you could never use that word again. And instead of saying stressed, you had to say how you were feeling. So I'm stressed. Right. You, you have to illuminate that and go like, I'm really worried.

(00:25:07):

And the truth is,

(00:25:08):

Yeah. And the truth is, <laugh>, I'm really worried that I'm gonna get fired. I'm really scared that my husband's gonna leave. I am really nervous that my partner is going to pick somebody else. Right. Again, you know what I'm, I, I'm, I, I'm afraid my kids are that will lose the house. Are never gonna talk. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

(00:25:25):

Lose the house. I can't pay the bills, lose the house. Mm-Hmm.

(00:25:27):

<Affirmative>. Right. Or even something as simple as I'm afraid I'm never gonna fulfill my dream. And I hardly even know what that is. Right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. Like, I don't even know what my dream is, because most people don't even have a dream. Most people don't even know what their dream is. 'cause It's so scary to even

(00:25:42):

Yeah.

(00:25:43):

To to say it or to even depl that. Right? Yeah. Because if I'm just like a normal, like if I'm just like hanging out, then I don't have any disappointments. I don't have any regrets. I don't have any. Right. I can just kind of live my life, which again, is awesome. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> awesome. It's wonderful, you know? But if you say you're stressed, I dare you. <Laugh> in the world of fearless living, I dare you,

(00:26:06):

You have been dared.

(00:26:07):

Actually say how you feel. <Laugh>.

(00:26:09):

Yes. <laugh>.

(00:26:10):

Admit how you feel, because feelings, I'll say one more thing. Feelings is actually through neuroscience. What they're realizing, what they have now discovered is your ability to name your feelings. The larger your vocabulary around feelings, right. The more emotional, emotional you have. Right. So you must get really, really good. So most people come to me with three to five feelings, and I give 'em a big old feelings list and have them start telling me feelings. And they're like, Ooh. Right. Because we don't identify, we don't have awareness. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And this is even people who think they're aware.

(00:26:43):

Yeah. This is fun stuff. I'm loving this. Okay. So I just had a conversation last night about emotional intelligence and emotional vocabulary. And supposedly this person I was speaking with said that there's 2200 words in the English language, just English alone, that our emotional based descriptors of how we're feeling and experiencing life. I went, that's a lot of words. And, and then the majority of us are max able to use 12 four. Four

(00:27:14):

Three to five four.

(00:27:15):

Three to five. My god. So gimme the three to five that most people say, this is how I feel.

(00:27:18):

It's, you know, usually it's happy, sad, depressed.

(00:27:21):

Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. Anxious.

(00:27:24):

Anxious. Well, yes. People can say anxious. That's a big one. Ooh, that's a part number five. That's

(00:27:28):

A big one right now.

(00:27:29):

Yeah. Yeah. Or stressed Again, they say that it's a feeling, which it's not. Mm-Hmm. Right. That's a body anyway, neither here nor there. Response. So, and then again, most people get confused with the body responses versus the feelings, but Yeah. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, I have no doubt that there's 22,000 words or 2200 words. I have no, I have no doubt about that. But really where I always go is, you know, when, when you there's that wheel, you know that somebody made up

(00:27:52):

Yeah. The emotional about

(00:27:54):

Mm-Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And it's beautiful and wonderful and yay, you know? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. But I would say three quarters of that wheel originating fear, originating feeling is fear. Mm-Hmm.

(00:28:05):

<Affirmative>.

(00:28:05):

True. Right? And so, so one of the things that happens that's huge is that Right. That's huge. But, but that's not how we talk about it. Yeah. We don't talk about it. Right. So we don't talk about anger. We just say, you know, anger. And we don't ever go like, well wait, but that, you know, so the whole little thing is like anger, and it's like frustrated, irritated, like all those are the subtleties of fear, right? I mean, excuse me, anger. Right? But, Mm-Hmm. It's like, well, yeah, but underneath that is actual fear. So can we just talk about fear? Can we just talk about

(00:28:34):

Fear? The straight in <laugh>. Mm-Hmm.

(00:28:36):

<Affirmative>. Just go straight in, you know, fear of love people. Fear of love.

(00:28:40):

I was gonna ask. And so thank you for that. 'cause What's the 180 of it? Right? Fear. And

(00:28:44):

Fear. It's not

(00:28:45):

More than, what is it?

(00:28:46):

Fear and love. But this is the sad part, Tina. Most people look at look at love through the lens of fear. What? So, yeah. Yeah. So they think they're being loving. So think about people pleaser, you know? Yes. Think about somebody who like, gives their all, and like, people please and doesn't wanna hurt anybody and wants to like, you know, I don't wanna put that boundary up because I, you know, I want them to shine. And, you know, they sacrifice themselves and they're like, I'm just doing this. And they really, really, really believe They're being loving. Like, they really believe that's what love is. Yes. I mean, that's what my mother did. My mother sacrificed her life for this fantasy of love that my father never gave her. Right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. But she kept on like, oh, I'm going to give love. I'm going to sacrifice myself for love. And it's like, yeah, but that, that's not, that's not love. So a lot of our behavior that we name loving is actually based in fear.

(00:29:41):

Mm. How painful is that? So help us understand <laugh>. Yeah. So help us understand the true essence and in your descriptors and, and experience. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, what would you say? Love, really? Like if we, I know each person's gonna feel love in their own way. Yeah. Right. But if you could give us a description of Rhonda feeling what love truly is to take us there, that'd be great.

(00:30:08):

You know, I'm gonna tell you, it's a skill that I teach my coaches and of course teach my students and clients. And it's going to sound cliche and it's gonna sound like, oh yeah, Uhhuh. Sure. Yeah. I can, yeah, yeah, I got that. But we're talking Jesus stuff here. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>, right? We're talking like, it's gonna take you a lifetime to get this one. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. Right? And yet we talk about these things as if they're like, oh yeah, oh, sure, Uhhuh. Yeah,

(00:30:37):

Yeah. Flip it.

(00:30:38):

But doing it right, but doing it right. Because we have the intellect, right? We have the knowledge. I always say what my clients say to me. I know. I go, no, you don't. You don't know. You have the intellectual, you have the intellectual knowledge. You have the knowledge that you do not know otherwise you wouldn't. Right. You wouldn't do. Right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. So my fundamental philosophy on how to open your heart to love and how to be more loving to yourself and others is see innocence.

(00:31:02):

Hmm.

(00:31:03):

See innocence in yourself and others. Can you see the innocence? And you know, people will say to me, well, how can you see your innocence in your father? He took that gun and he killed your mother. And I'm like, oh, yeah. He did that act. But that act was based in fear. My father didn't want anyone to help my mom. My father was, you know, ashamed that embarrassed that she left was leaving him, you know, it was his hometown. You know, he was afraid to be talked about. Like, it was all fear based, even though he said, nobody can have you except me. And saying it was for love. Right? Right. But I look at my father and I see a broken man who had no skill, no emotional intelligence, nobody taught him back then, nobody taught about feelings. And still, this happens today, right.

(00:31:49):

We, we, we give them like, oh, well, they're just sc you know, they're just, oh, we shouldn't, but no, we should. No, we should. No, we need to. Right. So I can see my father's innocence. That was actually the easiest to see. 'cause It was so evident how afraid he was. Right. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, my mother, as I shared earlier, for giving her, was actually harder because I had to take her off the pedestal of being the victim. Hmm. Right. I had to take her off. Like, well, my mother's just, the, my mother's just the innocent victim. My mother did. My mother, he killed her. Right. And again, he did. Right. Like, it, it is not mother. There's layers mother fault. She's dead. Right. Right. So what I'm

(00:32:28):

Hearing's are

(00:32:29):

Layers fault did. That's right. That's right. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. It's not my mother's fault. She's dead. My father killed her. Right? Wrong, bad. Right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. But my mother, for two decades, they were buried, by the way, on their 20th wedding anniversary for 20 decades. For two decades. She, 'cause she didn't know any other way. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>, not the internet, didn't have, you know, therapy didn't have any things that we have now today that we can take advantage of or not. 'cause A lot of people still don't. Right. she didn't know how to choose herself. She didn't know how to say to my father. No. She didn't know through their marriage how to adjust his behavior and adjust her be she didn't know how to speak up. Right. Right. And again, that's not her fault. That's not her fault. But seeing her innocence and realizing that she was part of the, she was, they were partners in their fear.

(00:33:23):

Right. True. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. And, and again, don't blame her. So I, I know there's somebody there going, why did I see her blame? No, I'm not blaming my mother, but I want you to see that seeing her innocence, taking her off the pedestal. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> and seeing how she was a woman Yeah. Who was scared and doing the best she could. Didn't have the me didn't have the means, you know, it was a bank teller, didn't have the means to support her three daughters. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. She had a father who said, you cannot leave your husband because nobody gets divorced in our family. Right. You know, the shame. Right. So she didn't know how Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. Right. So that perpetuated this moment, you know, 20 years later. Right. And then for me, seeing my own innocence was the hardest of all. Right. Like, like, oh, I, because people say to me, oh, you were only 14.

(00:34:13):

I go, but that doesn't matter because in that moment, you're not 14. You are the hero. You know, the potential hero. You're, you're the one that's supposed to, you're the only one there who can be the hero. Right? Right. So when people say, oh, you're only five, you're only 15, you're only 14, you're, it's like, seriously, people just wanna go shut up. Okay. <laugh>, you're not hearing how i I felt during that time. Yeah. Through, you don't understand the pressure I felt, and right at the guilt. Right. Like, quit, quit giving me, oh, you were only shut up. Right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. Instead, I want you to, like, it was like, I took full responsibility and ownership Mm-Hmm. And seeing my innocence, seeing my yearning. Yeah. Because that, wanting to blame myself was actually the flip of wanting to have more power and control. Hmm. So that is just a sign.

(00:35:06):

If you're blaming yourself, you're just want, you're just wanting more power and control. And you think if you blame yourself and you fix that reason that that happened, then you will feel powerful and in control. But that's not how that works. That's not how that works. Right. But we think our, what our psyche Right. Unconscious thinks that. Right. We, our, or we, what I call the wheel fear thinks that Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. So I had to be willing to see my innocence, which was the hardest of all. It took me 20 years. I, I went and did a ceremony at the, the 20th anniversary of my parents' death. And that's when I finally forgave my father fully, my mother fully and more importantly myself. And I remember walking away from that ceremony, and I described the ceremony in my book, fearless Living. But when I wa I remember, I remember this so vividly, I was there all day doing all these things again that I described it fearless living. And as I turned towards to go to leave this place, I remember feeling Tina and experiencing the awareness that for the first time, I'm taking a step as me.

(00:36:08):

Yeah.

(00:36:09):

And I'm no longer carrying my parents.

(00:36:11):

Yeah. What a, a weight lift.

(00:36:14):

It. It was, it was amazing because again, I didn't have, I didn't create that thought. Like, I didn't say like, I am gonna have this thought, now I'm gonna walk in. No. I just turned and just, it was like, oh, oh, I can feel me for the first time, you know, so this is the 34 years old.

(00:36:39):

Yeah. And so that, that gives all of us, Rhonda the knowing that no matter what we're carrying right now, and guilt what we're carrying in fact, shame, guilt and regret to me Yeah. Are the biggest anchors of humanity across

(00:37:00):

The world. Solution is innocence, solution innocence.

(00:37:02):

And so that reminds me, 'cause you said Jesus that, you know, he says forgive them. They know not what they do. And that's whenever he's being, you know, crucified, <laugh> you know, like, Hey, dude, you're dying. I know, but they don't know what they're doing. It's okay.

(00:37:18):

Exactly. And that's true for all of us, most of

(00:37:22):

The time across the board, you know, these beautiful gifts that were, they, you know, the, the, the Good book has a lot of wonderful truths in it. And I'm sure other scriptures as well, and other texts. But it comes down to that, that innocence, that understanding that we are all are of that, and it's our journey back to it. Yeah.

(00:37:43):

Yeah. We're just, we're just in this world to figure out and to release that regret, that shame, like you said, that disappointment, that hurt, that pain, that suffering, the, the blame, et cetera. We are here to free ourselves.

(00:38:01):

Mm.

(00:38:01):

Right. And, and fear is the thing that keeps all that in place. Like, oh my God, I can't get rid of that shame, because then what, what's gonna happen to me? I'm gonna just go wild, or I'm, you know, I'm, I'm gonna Yeah. Are you

(00:38:13):

Shame to keep us contained? Like we're

(00:38:15):

Gonna Yeah. Gotta keep, gotta keep. Right. Right, right, right. But if, because if I don't have any shame, I'm gonna be a horror, I'm gonna be sleeping, like I'm gonna be just a, I'm gonna do anything I get like crazy things will happen. Right. and again, we don't say that out loud, but that's what's happening, especially if you were raised in any sort of, you know, spiritual, religious, religious. Yeah. Right. So, you know, so you actually, we all have a choice to decide to practice seeing our innocence. And this is Jesus stuff. Like I said, this is, this is not like, oh, see your innocence. No. Like really see their innocence. Mm-Hmm. Now, I will say one thing is not about, you know condoning their behavior. Right. It's not about like, oh, it's okay that my father killed my mother. But seeing beyond that, so you can see like, yeah, not good dad. That wasn't a good idea. You know, like, that was bad. And I get why I, I get why you did it and not from a, and, and what I want you, what I wanna hear is

(00:39:07):

Not rational.

(00:39:08):

Not rational. It's not like a logical, even though that's where you'll start, you will then feel the release heart. And so every time I think of my father, I love him. I just love him. Like I don't carry any, right. Mm-Hmm. I, I just, I just look at him and think of him and just go, oh, like

(00:39:31):

It dropping down into the heart.

(00:39:33):

Yeah. And that's hard to do for most people. It's,

(00:39:37):

And that's where hard for me, where Yeah, it is. And that's where the love is, right? That's where true love is,

(00:39:43):

Right. And so on the way to, so on the way to loving, we use fear to love, right? We get those two confused and we think we're being loving and we are to the level of our awareness, but we don't feel satisfied. Like, we don't feel free, we don't feel, we don't feel ourselves. We know well, but I'm doing, I'm doing the right thing. Well, okay. Right thing. Mm. Mm-Hmm. Because the right thing is based on your perceptions, based on how you're raised, based on, you know, et cetera, et cetera. Right. Based on your identity, et cetera. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. So it's like, no, like really, like, like your magnificence. Yeah. Right? Like, like really,

(00:40:23):

I'm reminded of this quote by Gerda, and he says that there comes a time in a man's life, and I add that the object of woman's life, <laugh> that we must question everything.

(00:40:34):

That's right. That's right.

(00:40:36):

And so if we

(00:40:38):

Yeah.

(00:40:38):

Bring our space to,

(00:40:39):

And you must question yourself

(00:40:40):

To question, question yourself and your beliefs

(00:40:43):

Question yourself, question your beliefs, question beliefs that you've held for 20 years.

(00:40:47):

Yeah. Right?

(00:40:49):

Question it all, you know, so it's not about questioning like you're becoming a, you know, paranoid person. It's just put it through a thoughtful filter.

(00:40:59):

Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>.

(00:41:01):

And you know it, in fact, when you can see innocence, you actually have more clarity about quote unquote right and wrong. You actually have more clarity about, you know, what really is, is this a loving act or is this not a loving act? And instead of using your manufactured values to keep yourself in your identity and keep yourself in place, you're actually using love. And you start seeing behavior that you used to think like that's a great behavior. And you're like, oh, oh, <laugh>. It's really hurting millions of people. Yeah. People, yeah. That, that is actually hurting millions of people. I love this. That is actually shaming a millions of people. So, you know, when you say a behavior is okay, you are choosing that behavior and fear over love. Mm-Hmm. And that is the last thing Jesus preached.

(00:41:49):

Exactly. It also seems as though, in order for us to do this we need to slow down.

(00:41:58):

Oh boy. Yes, we do.

(00:42:00):

You know, be still and no. Right. but it, it does come to that place where we need to slow down to have that introspective perception of ourselves and others to even feel or see or allow innocence to be part of the container of our experience.

(00:42:15):

That's right. So slow is

(00:42:18):

Slow, fast paced.

(00:42:19):

Go ahead. Well, I, I, I have a quote of mine. You know, how do you say I say, I, I said it, my quote of mine. I love your quote. So, so my, so this one quote is Slow is the new fast. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. So slow is the new fast. The slower you go, the faster your results. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, because you actually can catch your thoughts, you catch your feelings, you can catch your attention. You catch your, you know, A, B, or C. And if you go too fast, you're not gonna catch any of that. And then all you're gonna have left is regret. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>

(00:42:45):

And disappointment. So what, what advice can you give to those of us listening? I hold myself partially in the same container from time to time that, you know what are ways to slow ourselves down to give ourselves this? Because it's slowing down the mind. 'cause That anxiety and the, you should be doing more, you should have already done this. You know,

(00:43:02):

That's all fear base's, all fear base. That's all fear base. So, so when you're hearing your mind go like that, you automatically know that's not, do not take any action. Like, that's you, you already know, oh, that isn't actually who I should be listening to. Oh yeah. That's not good. If some part of you, that lovely wheel of fear I call it, is telling you, you better hurry your behind everybody. You can't, you know, you better pick up the pace. You know everyone's gonna know all those shaming, blaming things you automatically know that is not in your best interest. And you automatically know that that is not the action to take. You automatically know to stop and reevaluate. Now you end, you may end up doing the action later on, but it's coming from a place of innocence and love. Right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. But the minute, the minute I feel pressured Mm-Hmm.

(00:43:50):

<Affirmative>, I stop everything the minute I feel desperate, I absolutely not take action. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. So what I talk about in the wheel of fear is the wheel of fear has fear responses as we've talked about, you know, procrastination, overwhelm, et cetera, stress, et cetera. And there's also what I call core negative feeling. And that core negative feeling yours might be different than mine. Mine is worthless. Like, where, what that comes up for me is worthless. So again, whatever that is, you know, hurry up, how to do it. At the core of that, that feeling that I want to avoid, the feeling I do not wanna feel is worthless. Right. Fair enough. So if I, if I respond to life trying to prove I'm not worthless, then every action I take, whether successful or not, is based, based in fear.

(00:44:33):

So some people are like, well, yeah, but that's how you become successful. Well, no, you can actually become successful through a different lens. Do the same actions, actually maybe even have the same career, maybe even be the same. You know, do what you're doing. Maybe write those books or, you know, run that company or do, again, be that mother, but you're doing it from a place of love. So a lot of people, Tina, come to me, a lot of also say, women come to me at when they're mothers or, you know, their kids are getting older and they're like, oh my God, I don't want to give my kids this. Right? And I'm like, yeah, I get it. You better clean up your mess.

(00:45:07):

Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. And be the, the model of what you want your children to have and even your employees, you know, if you're running a company.

(00:45:14):

Absolutely. Absolutely.

(00:45:15):

Definitely. I'm learning so much from you today, <laugh>, this is amazing.

(00:45:19):

You're so sweet.

(00:45:20):

And slowing down is, is a vital need. Our, our society. I, I say that information is the toxin of our age. <Laugh>, and it's, it's hundred

(00:45:30):

Percent.

(00:45:31):

It's coming at us in so many ways. And, and you know, that fomo or just, you know, people will wonder why I take sometimes a week to get back to them after a text message. I'm like, I don't drive my life that way. <Laugh>. Right.

(00:45:43):

That's right. I, I do not have my notifications on for anything <laugh> like, I am not at your becking call. Right. Like, I'm, that is not my life. Mm-Hmm. And the other thing I've been talking to my clients about a lot lately is the rhythm of life. So, you know, if you know your rhythm, you have a lot more grace. So I've been keeping track of my rhythm during this love, lovely time we've had in our life in the last few years. Mm-Hmm. And because I've been home more than normal Mm-Hmm. And I see that, you know, like I'll have a week, maybe 10 days, maybe two weeks, but I'm on fire. Like, I'm like a machine, like la la la dance as fast and make it happen, and I'm enjoying, you know, I'm like, ah, yeah. And then I have to slow down. Mm. Right. And I, the Rhonda in the past would've been like, why can't I keep it up? What's my problem? You know? Now it's my rhythm. It's like I have a peak performance, and then I go into

(00:46:40):

Repair,

(00:46:42):

Repair and I need to go and have lunch with a friend and I need to take more longer walks, and then it comes up again and I have another Yeah. You know, spurt. So it's, it's just like a, you know, they call these things sprints, right? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>, you have your own internal sprint. So once you start recognizing how you work, maybe your sprint's two hours, maybe your sprint's two days, right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, maybe your sprint's two weeks, but then you gotta take care of yourself, right? Yeah. So, so just knowing, again, being willing, like you say, know thyself, being willing to know this being and, and thoughts coming through my, coming through me right now that it's like, and I know for me, when I was at my worst, it was scary to know me. Mm. Because I was afraid of what I'd find. I was afraid that I, yeah. I, I was afraid that I was really that person that I was afraid I was, you know? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. So when I ask people to be willing to know theyself, I get from many people, certain aspects of their life, they don't want to know. Mm. Because they're afraid of what they'll find. Mm-Hmm.

(00:47:46):

<Affirmative>.

(00:47:46):

And what I want to reassure everyone who's listening or watching right now is once you move through that tunnel, right? Of like, Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, oh my God, that was a horrible thing I did. And all that guilt and shame, which we're gonna just wipe clean. Mm-Hmm.

(00:48:00):

<Affirmative>,

(00:48:01):

You are going to be shocked at how brilliantly amazing you are. You're gonna be shocked at the light, you're gonna be shocked, you're gonna be in awe and not awe from one my favorite words, just take them both. Right? Like, I love awe. Right. It's like, you know, it's not from an ego egotistical, but like really like, wow, I did that. Wow. Wow. I am that What? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> What I, huh? Like just in awe of what you and I are capable of, what we, how much we can love, how much we can, you know, just every, just, just, it's just, we're just amazing.

(00:48:40):

Yes.

(00:48:41):

You know? And shame, guilt, regret, all those lovely things that you mentioned. Stop us from a min, you know, experiencing that.

(00:48:48):

Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>.

(00:48:49):

And that can be wiped away like this.

(00:48:52):

Yes. Right? So tell us beautiful Soul <laugh>. Tell us about, so first of all, everyone taking notes 'cause I said you're gonna be doing that today. You probably already have pages. <Laugh> Fearless Living the book. Go get it. Yes. Rhonda Britton. Right? Rhonda Bri, you, it's a must. It's a must then Fearless Living Training program. Tell us about your training program and then I also wanna know about your membership with Fearless. You tell us about the training program

(00:49:20):

You've done your homework, how kind of you <laugh>. So, fearless Living, fearless Living Training Program, which we are now naming Fearless Living Transformation program. Nice. It was so funny because We had a, we were, you know, I've been in business, I've been teaching training people for 28 years. This, it's gonna be 20, it's gonna be 29 years this year. Can you, I mean, so yeah, I'm moving on 28 years. So it's like, we were talking about Fearless Living Training Program, and we're like, but it's really just a transformation program. We're like, well, maybe we should call it Fearless Living Transformation Program. So, so you may see a training, you may see the transformation, but that is really the book, fearless Living Come to Life. And I'm, you know, I'm, I'm talking to you, I'm taking you through things. There's a, a big old workbook, right?

(00:50:03):

Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. So that you can really break things down. You're gonna identify your wheel of fear and your wheel of freedom, because once you understand your wheel of fear, the number one people thing people tell me all the time when they identify their wheel of fear is now I understand my whole life. Like, mm. My whole life makes sense. Like, I, wow. I get why I left school. I get why I got married. I get why I got divorced. I get why I didn't have children. I get why I had children. I get why I moved. Like, I get why I hated my father. I get why I love my mother. I get like, it, everything. Like, everything is like, you know, like, you, you see everything, that lens and everything makes sense. Which of course then helps you see your innocence, right? Totally.

(00:50:39):

So you get your wheel of fear. You understand what your core fear is. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> 'cause that's really important. And then you get your wheel of freedom, which is the thing that you have most denied, because you, you'd think like, I can't have that. I don't get that. Like, that's just not, I don't get that. It's the cost. It is the cost and Right. Like, we've given that up because it's a cost that it's scary. So we've all done it. We've all done it. So you get your wheel of fear, you get your wheel of freedom, so you understand how you work. Right. And then of course, I give you, I'm a, I'm a tools person. I'm a big too, I love tools. I'm a big how person, you know, like you mentioned the Bible earlier. There's a strategy. Give it to you, <laugh>.

(00:51:17):

Well, I had, I, I just taught fearless keynote. I just taught people to how to do keynote speeches. My, you know. Yeah. And one of my students who just gave an amazing keynote, I'm so proud, she's a minister's wife. Mm. And she's been a minister's wife for 46 years. And her keynote was how she had these problems in life, which I will not like, not give here, but she had some problems, right? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. And she went to the Bible to find the answers, right? Which again, of course, she's her minister's wife. And she looked and looked and looked, and it was really inspiring and really helpful. But she goes, I've heard, she goes, I've heard hundreds of sermons on forgiveness, but I've not heard one sermon how to do it. Mm. And so fearless living, and again, I'm not comparing myself to the Bible people, please don't go there.

(00:52:03):

I'm not going there. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. But for her, I'm a how person. So all the things that she wanted to live from her desire to be holy. And IE as a minister's wife, as IEA God person, IE, wanting to be runs by spirit. She learned how through Fearless Living. So Fearless Living and the Fearless Living in Fearless Living training program. And of course, fearless you. Because I teach every month in Fearless You twice, I have a faculty as well. You are literally learning the next step on your journey so that you keep cleaning out your life, keep shifting your life, keep moving forward, keep changing, keep train training. And you can, I mean, people have gone on to, well, I have one coach that became a, because again, I train coaches as well. One of my coaches went on to make, she makes a million dollars a month, you know?

(00:52:52):

Wow. yeah. I know, right? Yeah. Others have fallen in love and allowed themselves to be loved and get married. Right? So have children. I have one client who came to me. She'd been my client for a few years and had never revealed she was young. So I, you know, we didn't talk about kids. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And then she had got married during this 'cause she didn't wanna get married. And of course, we worked through that. And then all of a sudden she came here. I want kids. I don't, I I'm scared to have kids. I don't wanna have kids. We worked through it. She now has two lovely kids. Like, so. Right. So, and she was so frightened to have kids like just petrified. Yeah. And she has kids. So, so everything that you think you can't have, you can, it's just fear gets in the way.

(00:53:32):

Right? So you're gonna learn a bunch of tools in Fearless Living Training Program, and it's a solo program, and it also lives inside of Fearless Youth. So if you become a fearless, you, fearless Living Training program is part of your, part of your membership, and you get all my classes, how to find your purpose, getting your needs met. My 10 fear is how to overcome fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, et cetera. So, love it. So every look pretty, I, I just taught a new class. I'm so sorry, but it is like the best thing ever. It's called the Confidence Activ. I'm, no, I was like teaching it going, okay, this is like, I can't even stand this. It's so good. It's called the Acti Confidence Activation Workshop. And I have been being nudged by God to, you know, spirit, to, you know, the divine, to create something to help people understand their filters better in a new way. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> And I actually created something called How to Make Soul Decisions.

(00:54:23):

Nice.

(00:54:23):

And I actually, yeah. I give you two ways to make soul decisions. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And literally, 'cause number one thing people come to me is they don't know how to make, like, I don't know what to decide. Right? I decide fear and freedom. They don't know the difference, right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. So, you know, how do you hear the voice of the spirit God? Like, how do you hear your intuition? How do you knows about the voice? Do trust it? I hear that it, is it fear? Is it, I don't know. I don't know what that voice is. So how to make soul decisions actually gives you a super easy method on how to do that. I just made that it's created that I just downloaded that. That's awesome. Yeah. Thanks for being

(00:54:58):

Container

(00:54:59):

<Laugh>. I, I love being, it's my job. I think that is my job. Yes. But Fearless You is where I teach every, every month where I'm always giving you the next step, the next level, the depth. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. Right. so if you wanna interact with me, then join Fearless You. If you want to dive into Fearless Living and want to have more hands on and grab the Fearless Living Transformation program.

(00:55:21):

Sounds great. Where do they go to get any of this? Ooh,

(00:55:25):

Fearless living.org. Thank you for saying that. Fearless living.org. Yes. And I'd be, I'd be happy to give a gift, Tina.

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I'd love a gift. What gift would you,

(00:55:34):

Okay, so I would give you, it's called Stretch Risk or Die. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. And this is one

(00:55:39):

Of the exercise. That's the one I wanted by the way. I manifested that. It's in my notes. <Laugh>. I didn't tell you that this is the one I wanted. No, you

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Did not. You did not.

(00:55:46):

We're at the very beginning of a year, and people have goals and the things that get in the way. So tell us all about Stretch Risk or Die

(00:55:53):

<Laugh>. That's right. That's right. So Stretchers Can Die is an exercise I created for my very first client in 1995. She had a sales team, and she was like, I can't get my sales team. Ah, how can I, and I, what I do, how I work is I don't think I download. So I got a, I mean, I was like, okay, I take tooth paper. I created this thing called Structures Can Die. And it is one of the most popular exercises I have, and my students and clients use it all the time. And it literally eliminates procrastination. And it allows yourself to come up with ways to actually move forward in your dreams and goals in ways that you never imagined. And you are gonna think about taking risks very differently. Like I just spoke to a an association for designers, interior designers.

(00:56:39):

Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And I heard from one of the companies, and they say, oh, we're using stretch and risk and die in our company to talk about initiatives. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And we go around and say, is this a stretch risk or die for you? Right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And we go around and see, and that's how, and instead of thinking, instead of making it like, oh, why should we do this? No, it's just, is it a stretchers could die and let's them clean up what, what we have to all do to make it a doable thing. So stretchers can die, can be literally used every day, all over the everything, all the time. So go to Fearless living.org, fearless living.org/risk, sk fearless living.org, or G slash risk sk. And when you go, of course I'm gonna need your name, and of course I'm gonna need your email. Yes. So you get access to the course. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. And then you can unsubscribe. If you don't wanna hear what I'm saying every week, <laugh> on my email, fine and dandy, I'm not hurt, but just please go get the course so you can actually, it's three 15 minute videos for gosh sake. And a manual, a whole workbook, because I'm a workbook gal. Everything has a workbook. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. So you can actually do it. Yes. And start taking stretch risk and dies.

(00:57:48):

I love it. I'm gonna do that immediately after we're off of this. 'cause I'm ready to stretch risk or, you know, live <laugh>, I'm gonna,

(00:57:55):

I'm gonna stress <laugh>. Well, well, what you're gonna read, what, what you're gonna discover is that die is actually just the amount of anxiety or fear that you have. Right? Mm. And it, and, and it's like, oh, I, I feel like I'm gonna die if I do this. I can't do that. Like, so whenever you say, I can't do that, oh, that's not, that's a die then, right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>,

(00:58:15):

Eleanor Roosevelt said, if you can't, you must.

(00:58:18):

That's right. If you can't, you must. That's right, Eleanor. You got it, girl. You got it, girl. So, so the point is, is that identifying those dyes I show you in the stretchers can dyes how to actually make those dyes a stretch. Your dyes become a stretch.

(00:58:31):

I love it. You are such a joy. You're such a joy. Thanks,

(00:58:35):

Tina. As you're, you're welcome. Thank you. Yes.

(00:58:38):

So a strange innocence that I have coming through is I want to give absolute love and adoration to your mom and dad. They, they have a beautiful daughter. And the journey of our life, we can't predict the hiccups or the blueprints that blow up <laugh> around us. Yet, you know, despite what you've taught us today here is that there's definitely innocence in all of it. And there's, oh God, love, there's love, there's, there's purpose and there's connection here That's right. In this beautiful human container that we have.

(00:59:14):

I always say, me and my mom and dad we're like, up in heaven going, what do you wanna do next? Lifetime, <laugh>? And, you know, my dad's like, oh, something, you know, and he, he's the one I always say, give him credit. He's the one that goes, I know, I know. Why don't we eradicate fear? And we're like, yeah, let's do it, <laugh>. And then he goes, okay, I'll be bad guy this time. And it's like, okay, okay. And, you know, he goes, okay, okay, how about this? How about this, Rhonda, you can be the, you can be the fearless, okay, okay. Because we're all angels sitting up in heaven. Right? Right, right. And he goes, okay, how about this? How about this? Okay. you be the mom, okay. Okay. You be, I'll be the dad. Okay? You be the, you be the kid. Okay, okay. And you know what, you know, something bad, really, something really bad has to happen. I'm like, okay, okay. And he goes, how about this? I kill her, the mom, and then I myself in front of, we're like

(00:59:57):

The plot <laugh>,

(00:59:59):

That's gonna get me on that track of fear, fear, <laugh>, <laugh>. Yeah. You know? And then we just, and

(01:00:05):

Then you're gonna transform the lives of thousands because of this.

(01:00:08):

Right? Right. But be, but I have to go through that, and I have to say yes to that, right? Yes. So, yeah. So yeah, all I think about

(01:00:15):

Of us, yeah, all of us. We're, we're on a track. It's, it's not that our lives need to be as dramatic as the plot twist there.

(01:00:22):

God, please know. Please know.

(01:00:23):

Right? But every single one of us, every single one of us, the reason why you're listening here today is because this was supposed to be in your consciousness and in your attention span, is because our life has gifts in it, and there's more potential for us to step up and into. And Rhonda's giving us the freedom to do that. And the, the formula and then the invitation, let's all fly together. This has just been an amazing show. I know I'm gonna come back to it many, many times, my friend, because you're, you've been an inspiration since the day I met you, and you'll continue to be. Thank you for being an amazing guest today on Light Your Life. And everybody, go and get the free gift that Rhonda has positioned for us@fearlessliving.org slash risk RIS. That's right. And stay. That's

(01:01:11):

Right. And there's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you. It's just fear. There's nothing wrong with you. It's just fear. There's nothing wrong with you. It's just there's with you. It's just fear.