#22: Spark of Wisdom: Tina Marie Talks about the 5Cs
This time on Light your Life from Tina Marie, we learn a framework and some tools for defeating our inner saboteur. Understanding the 5 Cs will help you understand how to be the best version of yourself.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (00:03):
Hello, and welcome to light your life. I'm your host, Tina Marie St. Sierra. And it's always great to be with you today. We're going to be diving into a framework that we use at bonfire coaching to help our clients get unstuck. So I want to take you directly through that. And I know that you're listening to me here in podcast form, which is in audio. And I also want to direct you over to our YouTube channel and just simply search for bonfire coaching, or go to the bonfire coaching.com website, and then over to our YouTube channel, because that social media icon will be at the top of our website. The reason why I'd like you to watch the video as well is because I'm going to be drawing some things. So in the audio version, I'm going to be giving you the attention towards certain things.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (00:45):
And then in the video version, if you head over to our YouTube page, we will be working together in that regard as well. So here we go. Have you ever been in a place where you felt stuck, where you felt as though you've reached a plateau or maybe you're confused about a forward movement, the decision that you want to make, and there's something inside of you that feels chaotic. You have insights every now and then on the forward movement you want to make and clarity is definitely there. And then you start on that path and sometimes we lose energy and sometimes we lose clarity. And then we're back to that place where it feels like confusion, hesitance, not feeling certain self doubt, things of that nature. So I want to show you some things that take our energy away and also create that stuck pattern in our thinking and definitely in our nervous system, which is also our feeling system right now.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (01:46):
If you followed bonfire coaching at any level, you'll know that we have a framework that helps our clients identify the difference between a sabotaging mindset and a warrior mindset. Mind you not worry, or like more worried all the time, but a warrior, something of strength of presence, of nobility of capacity, and can push through the obstacles, right? The sabotaging mindset. And on the other side, that one 80 of a warrior is the place where we feel we do not have capacity. We do not have the answers. We see lack. We see struggle. We see challenge. We are out of energy, out of breath, out of options. And so each one of us have this duality inside of us. It's a human experience like it or not. And so what we want to learn are strategies to lessen the effects of the sabotaging mindset and strategies to get us out of that mindset quicker, more efficiently, so that we're back in the power state, our authenticity, our way of being that is true to us.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (02:55):
So I want to map something. We call the five CS. Now the five CS are fuel and food nourishment. So to speak to the sabotaging mindset, we want to understand how the sabotaging mindset works so that we can undo its behavior and its trappings inside of our own thinking inside of our own behavior systems. And definitely, you know, cut off at the knees, any limiting patterns of beliefs that are keeping us stuck. So I want to show you the five CS. Now, the five CS are very common in culture. That's the hard part. These are so common and culture. What we've learned is if you follow these five CS, participate in these five CS in any way, then your mind, the highest your mind can activate. The highest your mind can operate is what we call the mundane, the mediocre level of life. You'll you'll have a life it'll get by, but the truth is it will not feel fulfilling that life will not feel fulfilling and that life will not lead you to the results that you're truly wanting.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (04:06):
Nor will you feel as though you could repeat it. Right? Sometimes we feel like we got lucky, like wow, life happened. I got lucky. That was cool. Yeah. We do not believe in ourselves to be able to repeat the outcomes that we did participate in. And we did did orchestrate, right? So these are the five CS and these are how they keep you stuck. So the first of the five CS is what we call complaining. Now I'm sure many of you know about complaining and maybe you've been in proximity of people that have been complainer's right? So those falling along the video, I'm going to write down complaint
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Complaining. Complaining is the number one
Tina Marie St.Cyr (04:54):
Fuel for the Salvator for the sabotaging mindset. If you hear yourself complaining, if you hear yourself participating in complaining, maybe it's a circle of friends, maybe it's on social media, you get hooked into a conversation and complaining is the undoing of good. Honestly, it's the undoing of any resourcefulness inside of us. We're taking the same energy that we would have to create solution and we're putting it in the bucket of no solutions possible. We're just taking all that energy and pouring it into something that's not going to lead to a solution. It's going to lead to more pain. Fair enough. The second C and the five CS is criticizing. So
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Writing that down, being critical,
Tina Marie St.Cyr (05:45):
Being critical or criticizing is a way of being that says, I'm hypercritical to what is right, or what is wrong. I'm, I'm looking for usually the, the nuance of not good enough is there in that mindset or in that behavior, even when we hear ourselves criticizing ourselves in our own mind, because many of these five CS happen in the silence of our own mind and the outside world, doesn't get to see or hear the pain that's being inflicted upon our own thinking and our own psyche definitely damaging our soul, right? So criticized. If we ever hear ourselves criticizing, if we hear ourselves being hypercritical, like imagine someone comes to you with a project that they finished and it's an employee of yours, maybe a cohort, and they're proud of themselves. They've made progress and they set their work in front of you. And they're asking for your opinion and maybe guidance.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (06:44):
And if your first way of being is to only see what's wrong and what's not good enough, then you express that to the other person. How would they end up feeling if you were them? How would you feel? Usually what we feel is that I did a great job yet. This person isn't approving of me, or they're seeing my not good enough in this. And they're disappointed. And that's always a painful place. Whenever we feel as though we've disappointed someone else or we've not come forward in a way that other people have the blueprint of, right. So again, being hypercritical or criticizing is the foundation of the inside thoughts, stream or voice that says, Hey, you're not good enough. This feeds the sabotaging mindset. It's feeding the lower mind. It's feeding that mediocre way of being yet. It's going to feel painful. And it's definitely going to feel stuck. The third city in the five CS that feel the sabotaging mindset is to condemn.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Now it's condemning. And then
Tina Marie St.Cyr (07:51):
So condemning is very much like criticizing. However, there's a nuance that I want you to really pick up on here. Condemning is like a blanket overall judgment where we can condemn a population. We can contaminate condemn an organization, condemn a label in society, condemn such as all politicians, right? Whenever we're condemning, we're going to hear our mindset say or our language of always never all of them, them, they it's a grouping of the critics coldness of our mind. And there's a version where we could also condemn a person or ourselves to a way of being that means that they could never evolve out of it. Let me give you an example. Have you ever been in a season of your life, a time in your life where your younger version of yourself may not have been as smart may have done things that were maybe risky, or maybe you heard a relationship or betrayed someone or lied or didn't do well, or maybe we weren't great with follow-through or a great communications.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (08:56):
And that earlier version of yourself had to grow. It had to learn, right? So let's move forward 10 years, 20 years in, in your evolution. And you come across someone who knew you back then, someone who knew you back when, you know, you were a younger version of yourselves and maybe not so articulate or, you know, maybe your work ethic was different. Maybe you weren't as refined in those days. This person that you meet 20 years later, if they condemn you to that past version of your self back, when they knew you, if they still judge you for that version of yourself, then it's as though they keep you stuck in a timeframe that they will not allow you to escape. They continued to your past shortcomings. Wonderful. Isn't it, of course it's painful. We don't want to have anyone condemn us to a Virgin version of ourselves where we, you know, we were needing evolution.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (09:55):
Every single one of us needs evolution until the day we pass on, we're all evolving. However, condemning someone, keeping them stuck in a past version of themselves in our own minds and not allowing them to evolve and become better and, and find forgiveness and become, you know, create a different version of themselves. If we condemn, then we ourselves and our own condemnation activity and behavior and language and story. We are fueling the sabotaging mindset or feeling that below the line, mundane, mediocre energy, neutral at best energy, poor typically life. We're not going to reach fulfillment. The simple act of us condemning not being condemned against us, condemning anything, drains our energy and keeps us away from our higher mind and the higher way of being that we so want. We so desire. So that is the third of the five CS that keep us stuck in a sabotaging way of being in the sabotaging mindset. So the fourth you're keeping track right? The fourth and the five CS is one that really becomes popular on social media and at parties. And it's called commiserating commiserating. Hopefully you're taking notes. You're going to write down commiserating. That's what I'm about to do here on a whiteboard. And if you follow on the YouTube, you're going to see the video. So commiserating number four
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Oh misery.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (11:31):
Oh, Ms. Writing what's commiserating. Tina Marie commiserating is where we tell the sad story. Usually commiserating requires another person. And so we would commiserate with someone else and tell them how bad life is or how that person sucks. Or can you believe that they did that? Oh my God. It's also known as gossip recruiting other people to your side so that they believe in your opinion of the circumstances. And, and you want to infiltrate their mind and pull them over to your opinion before they get to talk to the other person and possibly get a different side of the equation, because commiserating can also happen inside of our own heads so we can sell commiserate. Meaning I'm just going to tell the sad story of what's really going on. And I'm going to keep myself safe, keep myself stock, and I'm not going to be courageous and go out and find the truth. I'm going to believe my own truth. Now, like I said, commiserating usually involves other humans. And this is the fourth in the five CS because it does keep us absolutely stuck in a perspective. And that perspective is I'm right, they're wrong.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (12:39):
The fifth of the five C's. And then hopefully you're staying with me because we're going to find the antidotes. I'm going to tell you the antidotes of how we stop doing the five CS in our lives. We don't want to do these. They are draining. They are debilitating. And they're highly damaging to our evolution, our happiness, our fulfillment, and our relationships overall. Right? So the fifth of the five seeds, and it happens to be the absolute biggest or the five CS. It's everywhere. We're going to talk about this and we're going to understand why it's there and we're going to stop. We're going to stop all of the five CS, right? So the fifth five C is comparing, comparing,
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Sorry, are you guys writing these down? Tom Perry? Okay.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (13:26):
You compare your situation, someone else's. They got to go in on you. Don't they have what I want. I don't have it yet. They got the girl or they got the guy and I wish I did. They've got the job. They've got the salary. They've got the house. They've got the cars, they've got the reputation. They've got the identity. I've got it going on. I don't so comparing, be it a physical comparing of ourselves to others in our physicality, our emotional state, our mental state, our possessions, the trappings of our lives States. Some I've heard some people even compare themselves to other people's spirituality. Like there's such a great meditator or they, they really understand spirituality. I wish I did. So comparing keeps us stuck. Absolutely. And it diminishes the grace and the good of our own lives and, and, and who we truly are.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (14:14):
Right. We put a part of our identity and a part of our way of being in the hands of others, because we make them somewhere on a different pedestal than ourselves. And if we use it to whip ourselves or beat ourselves up, or have us feel less than then, that's why I'm calling it a five C that feeds the sabotaging mindset that feeds the hesitance in our lives. The self doubt, the self critical illness, all of these feed, the parts of ourselves. We do not want to have. And today on this podcast on let your life, you're going to learn the antidote to all of these five CS. Now, before we move on from comparing, I want you to see another nuance of this particular way of being many times, we can compare ourselves to a past version of ourselves, a version of ourselves that had it going on a version of ourselves that was thinner.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (15:01):
Maybe more fit, maybe back then, because we didn't damage the relationship. We had these things, or maybe I was healthier back then. I had a different job and I was happier back then, whatever that is is the back. Then we can not recreate. We can not take ourselves here to there and recreate that version. And oftentimes I hear people saying, well, whenever I, I I'm there again, or whenever I'm finally, you know, whenever that's part of my life, again, that is a damaging stock way of being it. We cannot regain the past into the present, simply doesn't happen. So I invite you as we travel into where the antidote of the five CS are to also know that the present moment is where your power is. And the present moment is where your potential is. Another version of comparing is when we compare ourselves to a future version of ourselves, a version of ourselves, we haven't even reached yet.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (15:58):
Have you ever heard yourself say, well, whenever I get there, whenever I have that degree, whenever I have that certification, whenever I have that amount of clients, when I have that amount of money, whenever I'm out of debt, whenever I have that relationship, whatever I have that body style, whenever I have that, whenever this is a new reality for myself, when I moved to that place, then, then I'll be happy. Then I'll be fulfilled in what we do in that process. Yes, we can have goals. Yes, we can have vision of our life. However, we do not want to make the future so shiny that the present is dull. Dang. In our present moment, finding the gifts in our present moment is part of the antidote to the five CS. So hopefully you're taking notes. The five CS are the fuel, the nourishment, the food of the sabotaging mindset, the things that are keeping us stuck, having us feel unsafe in our own way of being in our own authenticity. We don't sometimes will not even know who we are or what we want or where our clarity is. Have you ever been there? Right. So let's dive into, as dive into and leap over to the antidotes.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (17:02):
The antidotes of the five CS. The first is we want to appreciate, appreciate appreciation is an energy that is oftentimes not expressed. Appreciation is an outward expression of the thankfulness and the gratitude that we have towards something or someone in our lives. It isn't, it's a dynamic energy. It's not something that's static. So having gratitude can feel static, gratitude, you know, having a gratitude list. It's all perfect. However, gratitude unexpressed is simply within yourself, your own expression of, of gratitude and thankfulness of life or something in life that you are in your singularity experiencing inside your own mind, your own way of being appreciation. Isn't our active energy of voraciously telling someone from your heart and your soul, the very depths of your being that you truly appreciate them. And you give them example and simply saying, I appreciate you is also hollow. You know, if, if someone says, you know, I like your shoes, great.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (18:17):
What is it about my shoes? You like you know, if they say, congratulations, congratulations for what exactly. If they say, I appreciate you. We want specific. So those specifics can actually anchor into something that's true for the other person. It's not a blanket. I appreciate you. So I invite you to find at least three people this week, you're listening to this podcast. You're seeing this video. I want you to think of three people this week that you can hourly through expression of a thank you card soulfully written, not simply a thank you card that says, Hey, you're awesome. Thank you. I think you're you rock. And then you sign your name. No, you're getting off the hook way too easy on that one. We want you to, what I'd love for you to do is to write a soulful appreciation letter to three people in your life.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (19:07):
And if you're really brave and I invite you to be really brave is that you reach out to those three people and tell them face-to-face or over zoom in this wonderful world that we now are living in, or in-person is whatever we're in proximity of another person. And we're looking eye to eye and really taking that pause, taking that time to truly breathe through the amount of appreciation we have for someone, you know what I'm talking about. We can say, thank you. And I appreciate you. And it still be a surface level of expression. And we got that over with it. And we know you're worth more than that in your life. And your life is so beautiful. I want you to find courage. I want you to find presence. I want you to find resiliency and I want you to go in and truly let the other person know how much you absolutely undoubtedly appreciate them and give them specifics.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (20:01):
You know, whenever you open the door for me this morning, you didn't know yet my hands were full, but it had been so much for you to open the door for me at that time when I was needing it, whenever you offered me to walk with me under your umbrella, because you saw that I was getting rained on. That was an act of kindness, that isn't common in our world. And I really appreciate your invitation and your caring at that time, whenever you went out of your way and you went and you got me breakfast, and you knew that I couldn't leave the desk and you went and you took care of me in that way. I really appreciate you. I want you to know that it meant so much to me. And if I could ever repay the favor, please let me know. That's appreciation.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (20:39):
That's words and appreciation fact, all of these, I'm going to let you know something. Here's a little secret to all the, to the five CS, all the antidotes, the five CS take courage and all the antidotes to the five CS. Take time. They take words and they take energy. We, when you start to see how these antidotes, the five CS stack up, you're going to understand that we can't do this as a drive-by. We can't do this as a, okay. It was just a check Mark. I get it done. It won't have the same energy. It won't have the same soulfulness to it. To really combat the sabotaging mindset. The sabotaging way of being that's keeping this stuck. This is the whole reason we're doing this. If you no longer want to feel stuck in your life. If this is the promise I give you promise.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (21:27):
I promise you if you do, if you no longer want to feel stuck in your life, I don't care. If you feel stuck in your career, in your relationship and your health and your creativity and your spirituality in any part of your life, if you no longer want to feel stuck, these antidotes will completely create freedom in your way of being when you embrace these and you go for them, courageously with your soul, like opens up miracles happen, magic happens. Serendipity happens, luck, whatever we want to call it, it's called energy. And that energy richness flows through every part of your being. I guarantee it. I promise. So that first antidote to the five CS is appreciation. You're going to find three people you're gonna appreciate deeply this week. Right?
Speaker 2 (22:26):
So appreciation pre the Asia
Tina Marie St.Cyr (22:32):
You're following. Cool. Okay. Now the next, the next antidote is action. Action. One. Yeah. Appreciation. I'm asking to write something. Cool. Take action. Complaining about something. If anyone's hypercritical about something, we can't just whine about it and then let it go. Right? If you're complaining about somebody, that means it touched a part of yourself and it mattered. And if you find yourself in circles of other people complaining, you have the permission to say, Hey, Sianora love. You got to go do something else in my life. You guys continue. And it will be without me, right? We don't need to hang around complaining. However, if we find ourselves complaining, the number one thing you do out of that is say, Hey, I'm not happy about this. I must take action to solve it. Take action toward being the solution to something you're not happy about.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (23:31):
All it takes. Once you take action and then consistent action, then the next action. And pretty soon you've solved a problem that isn't just something that you didn't like more than likely. It's something that humanity was ready to evolve, and you take the helm. You participate. Maybe you build a community around you to make something happen. That's important. We've seen plenty of those movements in these last years. And we are writing the wrongs of humanity. We're righting the wrongs of our thinking because we know what stuck feels like and stuck for. Humanity's big stuff. There's something you do not like instead of complaining about it, take action toward it's remedy it's solution. It's unfolding. It's becoming it's evolution, right? So action take action. That's the second of the antidotes to the five CS. This is where your Warrior's being built. You feel this, the warrior is built in appreciation. The warriors built an action,
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Right? Action.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (24:37):
Well, the third, the third of the antidotes, the third is humility being humble. Boy, this takes some courage. It takes definitely energy. Imagine being stuck in the five C mindset, being stuck in complaining, criticizing, condemning commiserating with other people, maybe I'm that comparing mindset. Imagine being stuck in it. Imagine being stuck in that and really all the mind just wants you to say, it's all about you. It's all about your story. It's all about your pain, your significant, your pain and your story. Oh gosh. And we're trying to enroll other people and how bad life is, but we'll find those people that are going to one up us and their life's worse than ours. You've been there. Right? So humility being humble.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (25:30):
Now we're pain is not the be all end, all of existence, humility. And knowing that our experience is here to transform us and our experiences here to transform others and not taking it so seriously and finding a way out of our own darkness yet being humble. Humility is more quiet than it is. Vocal. Humility is more introspective than it is outward. Blaming humility is kinder, more peaceful, inquisitive, willing humility is being okay. Not knowing how humility is okay. Learning from others. Humility is, is really great at promoting others being humble. And if inside of yourself, you have a curiosity of how can I be more humble, simply look it up. We'll find ways to be humble and to serve others and to be a steward of the good in our world. Right? So humble is the third of the, to the five CS.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (26:51):
Then here's the fourth. The fourth is presence being present. And it doesn't simply mean just standing in a room. It's not just standing in a room and saying, Hey, I'm here. Presence is the ability to be still and know to be aware, conscious, to listen to energy, energetically participate, not being present, simply physically present spiritually, present energetically, and simply there, you know what it's like whenever you're around someone and you feel as though the connection you have with that person is that you're the only person in the room. And you could be in a room of a hundred people, but whenever they talk to you, all of a sudden you feel heard it's that presence. And how does this undo the energy of the five CS and the sabotaging mindset think of a warrior, think of a mentor, think of a guide, think of a powerful being the energy that they have is definitely present palpable. We practice presence in our lives so that we can cultivate our truest deepest, most authentic, energized nature. When I say energized, I don't mean hyped up on caffeine or red bull or anything like that. Energized is a flowing of presence that is connected to the divine flow of presence that is beyond us.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (28:37):
I practice presence by walking in nature and being humbled by nature, actually, and appreciating nature, giving love to nature. It can transform the soul to the depths, no matter how painful your life is in the moment or confused or stuck nature seems to have an amazing abundance of energy to heal us. And it's very present, right? So then the fifth and the last of the antidotes to the five CS, as far as I've researched it so far, and, you know, we can always learn more, right. Or today's podcast together is to seek truth. So often the sabotaging mindset will have us run off onto a train of our belief systems and think that we're right. And we lack the courage to go find out, to check in with another person, say, am I really getting this? Or have I misunderstood? This is what I'm believing. And I may be wrong. That's a humility, right? Seeking truth is finding data, not assumptions, seeking the reality of things as opposed to the surface of things. And like I said, all five of these take time, take energy, take more words and definitely take more of you. It's so worth it. So seeking truth is the truth, the overall truth, not our truth to be right. Who's with a capital T truth. That is our full truth. That is it can't be erased. It simply is it's knowing.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (30:16):
And whenever we practice the appreciation active participation and expression of appreciation, take action toward that thing that has us not feel good about it in the world, instead of just complaining about it, we take action towards its healing. Be humble in that, be present and feel our inner power and not shy away from it. And then seek truth. Our life evolves. Magic opens up the mysteries of life become beautiful and the pain of life doesn't feel so sticky and we can surmount the odds together, right, are an evolutionary being. And so my that's why we have been called to connect in this way. So hopefully today surmounting the five CS and understanding how to overcome a sabotaging mindset has helped you in some way. And hopefully you've taken notes and they've gone within and help to transform your own soul and address anything that you're feeling right now stuck in or non resourced.
Tina Marie St.Cyr (31:24):
And, or as we say here at bonfire below the line and right, and funerary seats here, and I thank you for listening to our podcast and I thank you for sharing it. And I thank you for leaving reviews of our podcasts so that other people can find it as well. And as always the light, your life podcast is here for you to evolve into the beautiful being, always evolving and growing more so than you'd ever know so that you can impact the good and the great and the beauty of our world. And together we're an energy and a force that is for good. Isn't that beautiful. Tina Marie say, it's there please go over to bonfire coaching.com. And if you do not yet have a coach and you're interested in coaching, we're here for you simply schedule a complimentary consultation and one of our team will reach out to you and get to know more about your story and your life and the evolution you see and feel within your soul that you're ready for. And even if you don't know that you're ready, we know you're ready, we know you're ready. We send you amazing love, amazing light. And until next time, thank you for listening.
