#87: Rekindling Communications when there has been a long space in between connections

Description:

Are there relationships you wish could feel closer to? Has it been a long while since you have spoken with someone and you want to take the first step?

This succinct podcast will help you with strategy when time has been a factor in your communications and you are not sure how to break the ice and reconnect.

Maybe it's rekindling friendships or professional relationships with co-workers, or, with family members, you have not felt connected to in many years.

Tina Marie dives into how to bring the relationship back online.

Bio:

Some of my favorite teachers have been random people who share wisdom at the perfect time as if the Universe gave me a wink and asked,” Are you listening?”

Despite trying to fill my insatiable hunger for growth with degrees and certifications I willingly remain a student, always sitting on the edge, ears, and heart wide open to experience more of life.

The bio here could be pages long sharing of times I’ve spoken to hundreds of thousands of people from world stages, books written, and lives connected and the one thing I want you to know absolutely is that I am like you.

I am on this journey with you and here, on the podcast, we connect. I honor your journey, I honor your spirit and I honor that grand Universal connector that has brought us together.

Namaste. - Tina Marie St.Cyr

Links:

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachtinamarie/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tinamariejones
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1GsqkFFeQOsHzgGr4NRSlA
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bonfire_coaching/
Email: hello@bonfirecoaching.com
Website: http://BonfireCoaching.com

Transcription:

(00:00):

Hello, I'm Tina Marie Saints and welcome to Light Your Life, the podcast. I believe our dreams have energy calling and purpose, and that when we move in their direction, our lives become even more joyful, fulfilled, and effortless. This podcast gives you insights to the strategies our guests use to overcome obstacles and manifest their dreams in business, career, relationships, and in life. Listen, to find new levels of energy, perspective, and courage, your journey to light your life begins now.

(00:38):

Hello and welcome. It's Tina Marie, and it's been a while. Just want to say thank you to those people that have followed the Lights Your Life podcast and continue to write us and say, how much of an impact the words of wisdom from our team here and our guests have brought you in your life, in your careers, and in your leadership. So, thank you so much. And today what we're going to be talking about is communications, specifically rekindling communications where there has been a long space in between connections. And so we're going to have a little short dive into some wisdom here, some strategies on those things that I use with my clients and in my life. So I'm going to be sharing specifics so you can see how to apply these strategies in communications. And then I want to hear from you. I want to hear, have you put any of these things in place?

(01:40):

Did this hit home with you? And what's your life like? And all we ask here at Light Your Life is that you share this with somebody. Now I know I listen to many podcasts and whenever I do that, I hear words of wisdom in the podcast that I know somebody I love, would love to hear this. I'm constantly sharing podcasts with those people that I love and those people I coach. And so we ask that you think in that direction as well today as we have this time together. And if anybody crosses your mind, go ahead and share the link to this podcast with them so that you and I can both help more people. That's why we're here, right? We're here to help more people in our world find new strategies. Now, today, I just went to lunch with Jackie, who plenty of you know that Jackie's my wife, had an adorable, wonderful relationship with, with Jackie.

(02:37):

And we're celebrating 10 years together and I'm so grateful. And we went with one of her employees, Alyssa. So Alyssa, if you're hearing hi <laugh>, want to share what we talked about over lunch today. And Alyssa said she listens to tons of podcasts and she say that, you know, I'm listening because I'm looking for a nugget that I, I can put into my life and execute so that I can push through a struggle, get some words of wisdom. And that's what you and I all do. We do this, we gather wonderful wisdom from around our world through books, podcasts, conversations with your friends, and we share it with people. So thank you so much in advance for sharing this. Now, for those that are watching on YouTube, because we also have the, the video recording of these podcasts on our YouTube channel@bonfirecoaching.com. That's bonfire just like you would think.

(03:32):

It was spelled like bonfire coaching.com. And so this particular video that we're doing right now, the recording is in my office and I want to invite people that have an aesthetic eye to help me decorate this wall behind me. Now what happened is, this used to be my calendar, so you can even see where that used to be. The little hook with a calendar was, and, and I'm here wanting to know what would be great in the backdrop of this podcast, plus I'm going to need to put like curtains right there so you can see outside, I can't even point correctly. Everything's reversed, boo boom, boom, <laugh> there, <laugh>. I want to put some curtains up on either side and make it look pockets little home because I'm in an office space. Look at that. That's those ceiling tiles that happen in an office space, and that's like a little cubby over there that where I tuck stuff.

(04:25):

But anybody that's listening that has an aesthetic eye and wants to help me decorate, I am all in. These are pictures of Tara, our dog that passed last year that are there. And you know, I'm willing if there's going to be curtains on either side, maybe a shelf in the back, I need to have a pop of color, you know, just go with the light your life theme. And I'm a I'm game, you know, like I'm not this aesthetic person, you know, Hannah and everybody here can tell you that. I do my best of, you know, just even making my hair look nice. I'm grateful to have a curly hair. And so I just pop it up in a little bow and it, it stays up there all day long. But thank you for those people that can write <laugh>. And so just send that to, you know, go to bonfire coaching, you know, contact us.

(05:11):

The emails are there and just, I am so grateful for your input. Thank you so much. So today we're talking about rekindling communications, where there has been a long space in between a connection. So let me give you some background on this. I have plenty of people that come through our coaching here and we work with executives and career professionals. And if you're in the place where you want to build your network, we're going to say, you know, just think of those people that have been instrumental in your life in the past and we want you to connect with them. Some of the people that sit here, you know, amazing professionals will say, I haven't talked to them in an over 10 years. I probably haven't talked to them since university. It's been 20 years since I've con contacted this person. And so something we know absolutely is true is that if you've had a really close relationship with someone, even if it was somebody that you simply had study partner time with through university on a regular basis, you maybe took classes through your four years with them.

(06:13):

Maybe you enjoyed a master's program together and worked on some instrumental projects. Maybe it was somebody within your work cohort that sat maybe two or three cubicles away, but you saw each other on a regular basis inside of the break room or in the conference room, and you knew that you were working on similar projects. Time is an illusion and so was the space that we believe it creates those connections that had definite, you know, like a definite framework. You knew their name, you know their background at some level, you probably know whether they're married or not, and whether they have kids or not, or you know, what they did in their spare time and their hobbies and things like that. Time is not a deterrent. Please do not let time be the deterrent from capturing connection. So if a person, this is what I do, and for those that are listening and you are the friends that are connected to me, you know, this absolutely happens when somebody's thought, when the thought of their name, maybe I see their face, maybe I simply have a curiosity of, wow, I wonder how that person's doing.

(07:23):

I not only make a mental note at that point. If I have space right then and there, I will text them. I will make a note on my phone to send a card. I will do something because I believe that the universe or the unseen or whatever you want to label, it pops people's thoughts or thoughts of them into your mind on purpose. We have this beautiful container called our mind. And when those people out of the blue come into mind, it's on purpose. So I, I honor that time and I send a message right then and there's, you know, if I did statistically, it's probably eight out of 10 times I do that, the other person will say, I was just thinking about you. How'd you know? And it could be years in between our connections. So I want you to start trusting one, that intuitive knowledge that is alive and well inside of you, and that you move in its direction.

(08:24):

Because once we move into the muscles direction of intuition, it will enhance, it will get stronger because you're using it, right? And the cool thing is that you get to have that person go, wow, that's pretty cool. Cause I was thinking about you too. You know, I do this on a regular basis. Those people that know me know that. In fact, right here on my desk, we have cards. I send out cards every week. And so I have cards that are going to go out to a short list of people that I've already highlighted here. And the written word does an an amazing benefit for rekindling lost communications when we can put our thoughts into written form and spend some dedicated time. And Ibu imbu that energy into the written form on a card, in a letter, you know, put a stamp right on that and pop it in the mail whenever that person receives it.

(09:21):

It is so special and so endearing. And these are things that are not common in our world anymore. So it it, it's like it has an extra little bow on top. Now if that's going to take too much, just simply send a text, simply pick up the phone and make a phone call. These things work very well. And I'm talking about the lost communications or rekindling communications with friendships, professional relationships and even family. You know, from, you know, my, my experience, I've had some family members where it's gone many years between actual communication. I may see them on social media, but you know, like I'm talking about cousins and things of that nature. And it'll build up. There'll be a building of an energy of I really need to touch, you know, reach out to that person. I need to really figure out what's going on for them in their life.

(10:14):

And the longer we put that off, the more regret can settle in. Now, regret is one of the most painful emotions of the human experience. So let's not let regret sit in our heart. So right now, as you're listening, I want you to reach in your mind, and you probably have already done this while we've been talking and think what's one person who is one person that I, I really want to connect with now that I haven't spoken with in a while? That one person make the mental note. If you have your phone and you're not driving and you're able to do it, make a physical note in a notepad, do something and remind yourself, put it on your calendar. And as soon as you get to that place, maybe right after you're listening to this or even put me on pause and reach out to that person and rekindle that communication. So what does these, what can this communication even sound like? Let's, let's go to the place where we assume that there's been 10 years, 15 years, 20 years between communication. Oh my god, those are such big, what we would consider time spans. All we need to say is that you just passed down the hallway of my mind and I thought I'd reach out. How are you doing?

(11:29):

The truth is, people want to know that you care and that you're truly listening. If we speak from our heart and we allow our heart to tell the truth, time disappears. Love enters, curiosity enters and so does magic. So what happens if the last communications you had with this person were of hurt? It was a hurtful parting. Maybe it was, it's something where you left confused on your side and we'd have to think that maybe they are confused on their side. Maybe you didn't have the answers to what was going on and why the separation even occurred. You know, whenever hurt is there, we get the permission to allow the hurt to stay in the past. The truth is time has passed and we don't know where their life has led them and they don't know where your life has led you. So in that, you have that curiosity about that person.

(12:32):

And whenever I asked that question, they came to mind. That is energy enough to reach out. There needs not be any other reason why you don't need a big, long, lengthy discussion or explanation of why you're reaching out. You simply would say the truth is, I thought of you and I wanted to reach out. Do you have a couple minutes to talk? Would you like to meet for coffee? And that catch I guarantee the end of that will be so magical and you will be on cloud nine and so will they because you listened to your inner wisdom in your inner calling. Let's let the hurt remain. In the past, I coached a, a dear client once and she had not spoken with her daughter in over six years. She knew through other relatives that her daughter had married, had gotten pregnant and had two boys.

(13:30):

And it was painful for this particular client to know that her daughter was so estranged from the family. And she's like, what can I do anytime I call? She hangs up on me, she's not listening or she's not answering my phone call. She's not returning any of the texts. I'm not even sure I'm reaching her in the text messages anymore. I'm not even sure I have her right phone number. So I advised my client, I said, what you are going to do starting now is you're going to start blessing her every time you think of her. Instead of wondering questions in your mind, like, I wonder what's going on. I wonder why we aren't connecting. I wonder what she's holding onto. Why hasn't she reached out? Why is she shut me out of her life? Why is this happening? Those are dead end questions that are only going to deepen the pain and the hurt and not allow healing.

(14:23):

And so I said, what I want you to do from right now on is anytime her name comes to mind, her, you know, vision of her and your, in your mind just seeing her or curiosity about her, I want you to bless her, send her blessings and say, I'm so glad I'm thinking of her. I send you blessings. I love you. Thank you. I hope you're well. I simply want you to send those out through the airwaves, so to speak, the thought waves. And that is your job. No more painful stories, no more painful past. And when she does call you, when she does reach out, which I guarantee is going to happen, your job at that point is to not say what, had you not ever call me? Didn't you get any of my messages? What's going on? There will be none of that.

(15:13):

We do not bring up the past. We simply start in the now. So when your daughter calls you, when she reaches out, which I know she will because you're sending her love and you're opening a door, then all you're going to say is, oh my gosh, it's so great to hear your voice. How are you doing? And you're going to start building a brand new relationship with your daughter because the past relationships, we need to bless them and let them go if in the future she says, remember whenever I was little this happened? And how was I whenever I was doing that, mom let her lead the dive into the touchpoints into the past, let her lead, whatever that would be. But we, the person who is blessing and moving into the new relationships simply blesses that version of the season of your relationship and moves into the next with grace, with love, with openness, with caring, and with healthier boundaries.

(16:07):

Because we do know that we want to make sure that we're being honored in communications instead of continuing to deepen or build any hurt, right? That'll be another communication for you and I to dive into and how to help healthy boundaries in communications when there's been a long span of time and you are rekindling these communications. But for today, it's how do we rekindle these communications, right? So the first thing, bless them, let the hurt stay in the past. And like I mentioned writing letters, it's, it's so interesting whenever I, because this has been, you know, an occurrence in my life with, with my daughter also. And so what we do is we write letters and we say, you know, just thinking about you today, wanted to send this your way. I have this passage in a book that I was reading and thought you'd love it.

(16:59):

And sometimes I've taken xerox copies of certain things and added them into the letter. I write or send greeting cards. I've sent small tokens of gifts such as little bitty necklaces that the person, you know, may collect. And so those things are not like obsessive, you know, the thing you don't want to do is be obsessive about these things wherever you're, you're sending one every week, you know, like, oh my God, the other person's going to get so overwhelmed. How would you feel if you're so overwhelmed and you're trying to rekindle the relationship? You're like, I can't possibly reach out to this person. They're just like, suffocating me and we're not even connecting or communicating very much, right? So do it in an energetic place where it feels natural, where it feels respectful and still loving, right? And so another thing that's come up in our communications here at the office whenever clients are wanting to rekindle communications is they they ask, how do I navigate, navigate drama and find positive language?

(18:04):

So sometimes whenever we rekindle communication, it could be not working based on past habits or experiences of possibly the person being dramatic or the communications that you both shared being more of a dramatic sense, one person's moved on, that's different communication styles. And so how do we allow things to be positive if we sense that possibly they could go into the drama state, you know, the hurt, blaming, being resentful, all that kind of stuff. Because we want to stay away from those types of communications. And I'm rereading the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. And if you haven't yet read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I highly recommend it. It. And so in that book he talks about, you know, being impeccable with your word. Now impeccable is one of my favorite words in the whole, you know, English language impeccability is not perfection.

(19:03):

It's doing the best you can. However, it's definitely not gossiping. Gossiping is not a very impeccable use of the energy of language. And it's also staying in the truth, not talking about other people behind their back. You know, not making assumptions or doing exaggerations. It's staying here and now in the truth. And so with that, whenever we're in a potential negative pattern of communications, we simply bring it back to what's real and what's true right here and right now. And how can we say things that are of a positive nature. So this is how I would lead somebody toward that without saying, you know, I'd rather talk in a positive way. And I'm hearing that right now than the communications are getting a bit negative. Now, you could be that blunt <laugh>, and I bless you if you're that type of person, I happen to not be <laugh>.

(19:53):

So I like to have a more graceful approach. And so I would say things like, I love that we're connecting and I love our communications and I'm just wondering if we, I'm, I'm thinking of a pause right now and I was just wondering, what are three things that are going really great in your life right now? I want to hear about the three things that are going really great for you. And you're just navigating around those little roadblocks, right? And then you say, you know, just let them talk. People love to hear about themselves, they love to talk about themselves and we, you get to gravitate them over into navigate them. Gravitate, that's a new word, right? Navigate them over into the positive nature of the communications. Such as whenever they would say something like, you know, you know, it's been fun, you know, this year's been interesting.

(20:42):

And you go, wow, that's great. Tell me how great it's been. And we get to amp them up a little bit because sometimes people in hurt, we have a lower energy, so they're going to borrow your energy. Not that we're manipulating or trying to be that, you know, that rah rah cheerleader because that can actually get annoying. You know, that you've probably been on the end of one of those people, right? We just want to amp up their language to give them a little bit of secret sauce to keep 'em in that positive spin. It's really fun stuff to watch. Human dynamics is one of my loves, is to find out how we can help each other have amazing lives and more fulfilled lives. It's why I do what I do. And, and hopefully these strategies are helping you. So another example, let's say somebody says yeah, you know, this, this year's been pretty good and you know, I'm looking forward to blah blah blah, right?

(21:38):

And you say, awesome, that is so good. I'm looking forward to things too. Tell me more about what you're looking forward to. I want to hear about this, I want to know about it. Now, how does this help rekindle communications? One, you're trending people. That you're that person that's going to be looking forward to some really great things and anchoring people in progress, anchoring people in what's working as opposed to what isn't. And being that touchstone or that sounding board for, you know, things in the moment, that truth that's resonating through all of us and really hearing them when you hear them and people feel seen and heard, they're going to leave that communication with a huge smile on their face. And that's how you want to be regarded, right? You want to have a huge smile on your face Also. Now sometimes communications can happen and it's not like you get to share and they get to share.

(22:32):

And it's not even like, it's not like an equal sign. And that's okay. So you reaching out because it's your thought form that has started these communications and as long as you're a great listener and a great c of, you know, tell me more. Tell me no more, tell me more. They're going to feel heard, they're going to feel seen. And then if you didn't get to share everything about you because they may not have either had time or maybe their energy wasn't moving in that direction, that's perfectly fine. Because I guarantee they get off the phone and they go, wow, I just talked all about me. I didn't even ask, I didn't ask Tina Marie how she was doing. I didn't, I didn't. That's interesting. And as long as they get curious, they'll find a way to reach out again. I had a friend who did this recently.

(23:18):

He said, wow, we just spent 30 minutes talking about me and my life. That was really great, but here we are at the end of our time together and I haven't heard about you. And I say, you know what that means? That means that you and I get to have another communication. Let's put on the calendar. And we did. We followed up and, and I, he said, okay, now I'm going to hear all about you. I said, fair enough. Sounds good. <Laugh>. So rekindling communications, when there's been a long space in between, please know that time is a manmade construct. And the energy is what you're going for. Finding the energy of the communication and setting a beautiful space for people to find themselves through that. Find you through that. Find a new communication and relationship through that. Now the next thing is I want to hear from you, <laugh>, I really do.

(24:09):

I want to hear if this helped you. I want to hear any other communication struggles that you're having. You know, because there's wonderful human dynamic strategies that we can avail to you talk about other clients that we've helped in the similar regard. And you know, I know that you are one that listens to podcasts and watch videos so that you can amp yourself up and you can improve yourself and that's what you're about. So one of my coworkers told me today, you're, you know, Tina Marie, you just need to be on TikTok. You could be doing a video every day. I'm like, well that's a whole lot. This year actually, I'm writing a book. I'm finishing out a digital course, the digital courses for business owners that are feeling burnout and they're not knowing how to create that business that was first designed to offer them freedom of time and vitality of finances.

(25:02):

And so where their business is feeling like it's a burden and they're just trying to plan their escape or like, gosh, this is not what I unintended my business to be. So the course promises business owners that they will fall in love with their business again. And then the book is along the same vein. It's understanding that business is about making profits, but more than that, it's about growing people. And whenever we get to be of service and understand that there's some really great things we can mentor within our workforce and allow our workforce to feel connected and building a cohesive, connected culture, then that has us just smile from the inside out. And that's what I truly believe business is all about. It's about creating culture and community and growing people. Then the prophets come, they simply do, right? So again, please share this with people you love that you thought about. And I want to hear about your courageous conversations that you're going to have in rekindling long lost communications with someone where time seems to have been in the in the way. And we all know that's an illusion. And you get permission today to rekindle a beautiful communication with someone who came to mind. Thank you so much for being a follower and a listener and a spreader of the Light Your Life podcast. I am grateful for you and I am grateful for our time together. Thank you so very much. Have a great day.

(26:29):

That was so energizing. I have takeaways that will help my life and I'm sure you do too. To get show notes, bonuses, gifts for you from our guests and more, head over to Light Your Life podcast.com and be sure to bookmark this podcast is one of your favorites. I'm Tina Marie Stier, founder of Bonfire Coaching and creator of the Bonfire Method. Thank you so much for being connected. Now my homework for you summon the courage to light your life a little more and go make progress on your dreams today.

(27:14):

The Light Your Life Podcast is brought to you by Bonfire Coaching. Bonfire Coaching is a system of tools, methodologies, and strategies that help each individual rise above the mundane life that feels efforting, where a mind will get stuck, have confusion, frustration, anger, fear, depression, anxiety, loneliness, and pain. And when we have that calling inside of ourselves for more in our life, where do we turn? We need professional sounding boards that are highly skilled and moving us out of our own way and helping us with strategies to overcome procrastination, hesitance, and that mind that'll hold us back. Bonfire Coaching has helped thousands of people across the globe find lives of fulfillment, success, movement, progress, love, joy, happiness, wonder and aliveness. And we would love to talk to you. There's always available, the complimentary consultation where you can sit with one of our coaches and we will help you dive into the strategies and the tools that we help so many people with. And you can see for yourself how powerful these tools are for you to transform your life. Simply go to bonfire coaching.com and sign up today. We can't wait to meet you.